yet i still wonder
As I've been painting walls, making art, teaching yoga and all those other things, I often catch myself wondering, 'what am I even doing?'
I am doing wonderful things, yet I still wonder.
Where is it all leading? What am I building? Where is my life going?
You know, human thoughts.
In the yoga world, we talk about finding your dharma, or your life's calling.
This 'finding my calling' felt like a no-brainer when I was in my teens and twenties. Of course, I was going to find my purpose. Why wouldn't I? I felt a pull to something, and I did it. It was all leading to where it was meant to go.
Now in my forties, living my dharma feels more...complex. I have responsibilities, unexpected twists, and awareness that the well-being of my loved ones (and myself) involves some level of planning and compromise. I can't just run off and live my dharma.
In yogic philosophy, lay people (those of us who are not ascetics or monks) are given four aims or goals called the Purusharthas.
These are:
1. Dharma: Living in accordance with your purpose
2. Artha: Building resources and skills to live life and fulfil your dharma
3. Kama: To enjoy life and live in harmony
4. Moksha: To explore and pursue inner freedom and self-realisation
Dharma (your calling) and artha (building resources like money) are two different responsibilities. Yet I find myself trying to merge the two together when I get stuck on a 'what am I doing with my life?' thought train.
There is an inner voice that whispers, "If I am not making a career or income out of my calling, then it is not of value".
Life has its seasons. There are times when earning money and building resources like money take priority. There are times when those resources may come from dharma. There are times when those resources will support dharma. Then, other times where kama and moksha take priority.
This is why I adore exploring the philosophies of yoga. They give me pause and perspective, helping me challenge the stories I have written for myself. Our society is very driven by results and outcomes, and these can be important, but they are not the only things of importance.
For now, I will allow myself to sit with this contemplation and see where it leads. This is also the practice of yoga
P.S Photo taken below by our dearest Charlotte Dabb at our recent art exhibition. We are also now also taking new applications for artists for our October showcase.
P.P.S We have updated the dates of our future teacher training courses. You can learn more here.
