i thought retreats weren't for me

I would have usually steered away from hosting retreats.

That might sound strange coming from someone who runs a yoga community, but after hosting a retreat back in 2023, I genuinely thought retreats just weren't for me.

It was actually at the same venue we visited this past weekend, during the Winter Solstice, and it was a collaboration with some really beautiful friends whom I still adore very much.

But when I got home from that retreat, I was an sobbing wreck.

Not because anything had gone wrong. The retreat itself was beautiful.

I was simply exhausted.

Looking back now, I think I made one mistake.

I tried to split my attention.

At the time, Nara was about six months old and still breastfeeding, so I brought her with me. I spent the entire weekend feeling torn. When I was with the beautiful community that had come together, I felt guilty that I wasn't with my baby. When I was with my baby, I felt guilty that I wasn't fully present with the people who had entrusted me to hold the space.

I don't think I ever truly arrived anywhere that weekend.

Afterwards, I told myself retreats weren't for me.

And for the last couple of years, I've carried that story around.

This year, though, something told me to try again.

So I chose the same venue.
The same time of year.
Even some of the same people joined us again (an honour)

The difference was that I decided to leave my beautiful family at home (still hard to do!)

Now, I love my family more than words can explain. But for those few days, it allowed me to fully commit myself to the process of holding space for 19 people.

I didn't teach every single class (thank you, Karen & Jen!)

Instead, I focused on hosting. Checking in on people. Making sure everyone was okay. Creating the conditions for connection to happen.

And do you know what happened?

I came home replenished, too.

Everyone who joined us resonated with the Nin Yoga vibe and community. And let's be honest, we're not always for everyone. We make inappropriate jokes. We laugh loudly. We cry sometimes. We are huggers. We don't pretend to have it all figured out. We tend to tell it like it is.

But for the people who find their way into this community, something special happens.

Over the weekend, we held each other.

Around campfires.
During yoga.
Over meals.
In conversations that started small and somehow ended somewhere soooooooo much deeper.

I've spent nearly nine years building this community.

Even longer if you include the classes I taught around St Marys and Penrith before there was ever a studio.

And this weekend made me realise that perhaps everything in my life has been leading me here.

I remembered being a child and creating events in primary school. I'd make handmade invitations for every person in my class and would fully organise a grand old thing. I never handed them out because I was far too anxious, but I made them anyway.

I remembered buying Christmas presents so nobody would feel left out. I specifically remember wrapping nearly thirty UFO lamps I'd bought from Clint's Crazy Bargains in Mount Druitt for $3 each.

And I remember spending over a decade creating communities when I used to be manager at a video game arcade (this place still regulary makes an appearence in my dreams).

At our closing circle, I found myself saying something I'd never said out loud before.

I told everyone that this community is my life's work.

But the more I've sat with them this week, the more I realise they're true.

My life's work isn't actually yoga.

It isn't retreats.

It isn't teacher training.

It's community.

Yoga, retreats, and teacher training just happen to be the vehicle.

My life's work is creating spaces where people feel welcome, seen, and able to learn and evolve together.

And I hope I get to keep doing that until the day I float away into the ether.

And yes, of course, we're already organising our next Hawksbury retreat (shout out to everyone who helpped me do this literally the day after they got back also!)

This time we're leaning into Summer Solstice energy at the same venue, with a more playful itinerary. Think kayaking, laughter yoga, music, creativity, art, connection, and plenty of space to simply be, and everything on the schedule being totaly optional.

We'll be offering places to everyone who joined us this weekend first, and then opening bookings to the wider community next week.

Thank you for being part of this story with me.

Thank you for helping shape this strange, wonderful little community we've built together.

Let's continue to learn and evolve together.

Annika

P.S. All photos from the retreat were captured by our dearest Charlotte Dabb, who somehow manages to photograph not just what happened, but how it felt (also please take note she edited these photos the day after?! Thankyou thankyou thankyou)

P.P.S I will open bookings for our summer solstice retreat next week, but if India in March is more your vibe, you can learn more here.